..some things need fixing

Is everything going to go back to normal when school's over?
I feel like the odd one out in our little threesome thing.
Whatever you call it.
It sucks feeling like your friends are becoming so distant.
I wish school would end already so I can fix it.
I need to get my mind off of everything pointless here in my house.
I need fun.
I'm worried about not going to dad's tomorrow night again, because I was planning on giving him his Father's Day present.
Now that'll have to wait.
Again.

You know what just made me really happy?That I just got free sour patch kids from a kid in my study :D I love life.

Conspiracies suck.

How come everytime I'm in a good mood my family just feels the need to ruin it?
I swear it's a game to them.
I think they're all a conspiracy.
Like one giant group of assholes God uses just to make me sane.
Cause if they weren't like this then I probably would be.. well I don't know actually.
I could've been anything if things where different.
I could've had less of a backbone.
I could've been a total bitch.
I could've been a major slut.
Anything.

Whether I try to or not I'm just a bitch.Jess told me about a month ago that I look like I could beat someone up.That's not good.That means I look like a bitch.

I just feel like such an asshole today.I got mad at my dad for doing nothing.I feel like I don't help my brother out enough.And I always make everyone mad at me

On the bus.Dad's pissing me off.I don't think he's gonna pick me up this weekend which is gonna piss me off.And I can't control it.These kids smell like piss.

Im in a dellimma?Jason needs me to babysit tonight and it's dad's night.I don't wanna skip on dad again and I don't wanna skip out on Jason cause he needs me.

It's raining cats and dogs :) I really just wanted to say that.

I'm pretty pissed that Sarah's not gonna be at dad's tonight.I'm on the bus and annoying people in the back are screaming.And they're highschoolers, immature?

So Jordans in a pissy mood I'm guessing and he yells at me when I'm just standing there waiting for my seat. Wtf? He said. "I don't care!" as he got up.

Sitting in study.Bored as fuck.And I really had a sucky morning.I had bad vibes in the cafe.Which I neer have.And I had an asshole in my seat again in Spanish.

Shoot Me Please?

I've had a very interesting couple of days.
Sean's been high except for today.
I got my hair cut and it came out like shit.
Case hit me in the face with her tit on the bus the other day.
Haha.
Thanh kicked me out of his locker and shoved the rest of my shit into some empty locker.
I hit my head on the phone on the wall in my homeroom yesterday.
My mom is officially bi-polar in my book.
I really wanna see my cousin for some reason.
I also really wanna go to Mikeys show this weekend and just chill outside the whole time.
I had an awful sub in Math today.
I actually got a bunch of work done in Science.
And now I'm starting to get a headache..

Getting Better As It Goes.

Ugh.
So tons of shit happened today.
I don't have my phone right now because I left it on the couch and my step-dad's in a really pissy mood right now and decided to take it.
So later I'll just ask my mom where it is.
If she actually does then I'll be lucky, cause sometimes he doesn't even tell her that he's hiding it.
My hair is full of chlorine and it's kind of gross, I went swimming earlier and the pool is really really cold.
After that my mom made us help our grandmother out in her yard, even though she didn't have anything for us to be doing.
Before that happened.
When I went outside and was about to go get my flipflops and go to the pool, I'd remembered that I'd left them on the porch overnight.
So I went out to go get them, and I asked my step-dad if he'd seen them, and he didn't answer.
So I kept looking around and found them in the middle of the lawn.
And obviously my mother wouldn't do anything that phsyco.
So I knew it was my step-dad.
I don't know what his problem is lately but I didn't say or do anything to him to make him act this way towards me.
I'm still sick which is also pissing me off.
I've been sick for probably about a month now.
I can't get rid of it.
That's probably gonna mean that Case won't be able to for a while either.
I just found my phone.
Which makes me a little bit happier.
I have a feeling that we're gonna end up having cereal for dinner again tonight.
Mostly cause mom's sleeping on the couch and it's pretty much dinnertime.
I think the whole thing with grounding me just from TV right now is pretty pointless.
Mainly because I can just watch TV on my computer.
But it's okay that they're behind on new technology.
I like it for now.
Sarah does blog a lot too.
God how many posts in one day?
I mean I log on and check the update thing and see that Sarah's written like five more new entries.
Which is the opposite pretty much with Case.
She hasn't been writing any at all.
You know what just made me super happy?
That on June 9th. I get a free pair of Havianas flipflops.
Yeah.
Now lets see if the rest of my day can go just a little bit better.

Failure..

Wow.
That just pissed me off thoroughly.
I was just in the middle of blogging and I was kinda almost done and I pressed the "backspace" key and the Internet backed up a couple pages and my blog was gone.
I was in the middle of blogging about Sarah, cause she asked me to include her in here.
So i was being a good sister and I was writing about her.
I actually remember exactly what I was gonna say next.
It was. "God I love her."
Yeah that may sound a little weird now but it did actually go with what I was saying.
I don't even remember what I was saying about her at the moment.
Ugh.
wow.
AJ's over and we were playing COD5 cause mom finally let me play, and he said he forgot to bring his controller, so all three of us switched off between two controllers and it sucked.
So after mom kicked me out from downstairs.
It was just Anthony and AJ playing down there and AJ was just looking through his bag and found his controller that we could have played with and that there was no point in having now that there wasn't even three people down there.
Ugh, that just made my day too.
Plus we skipped out on my cousins down in Mass, because my mom doesn't like my aunt anymore apparently.
I really wanted to go to the graduation party for my cousin David because Dean would be there and I love him to death:)
He's so funny and he sometimes brings his friend Christain too.
Plus he smokes, which I haven't done in a while but if he just happened to offer some to me and we just happened to take a stroll down the street I'm sure I would've
But he doesn't know that I know he smokes which I think is kinda funny.
Mostly because my other cousin Chrissy who lives in the same town as them goes and smokes with him and he doesn't know that Chrissy is my cousin.
And me and Chrissy are really really close so she tells me pretty much everything.
Apparently my aunt has gotten really dumb over the years because she apparently does his homework for him, and thinks that he has a reading disability so that he can't do it.
Ha.
Now that's whipped.
I'll just talk about Sarah in my next blog cause I can't really think of anything right now.
Wonder what Case and Mish are doing.
I really wanna see Mish too.

Best Spanish Class Everr :D

Ha. Okay.
So in my Spanish class Sean Claypool sits in back of me, and Rosa Rais sits in front of me.
And me and Rosa are friends and stuff so we talk all the time and normally Sean only talks to me if he needs help with something or if we're in a group together.
So we have a sub today and Sean's pretty talkative.
And the sub tells us to do this really big packet of translating.
Which I'm already done almost a whole paragraph by the time he's done passing them out.
So Sean says "Carrissa can you help me?"
And he kind of reminds me of a little kid just the way he says it.
In this elongated voice, like he's almost whining.
So I turn around and show him a little bit of what I have done and wait 'til I'm done at least a paragraph to give him my notebook to copy off of.
And In little breaks in between he's talking to me and Rosa about stuff.
I forget what but all I remember is that he ended up saying.
"I'm really high right now so I can't do that."
And me and Rosa started laughing.
And so after that Sean told me that he was done and goes to hand me my notebook back.
But see on his desk is his notebook, my notebook, and his packet.
So he reaches over and gives me his packet thinking it was my notebook.
So I said.
"Uhh Sean. That's not mine." with a big smile on my face trying to hold back laughing.
So he giggled and said.
"Oh. Sorry Carrissa."
In this voice that sounded like he was really tired.
After that me and Rosa found almost everything he was doing really funny.
Like he was trying to text someone and he yelled across the classroom to Jordan Dupuis.
"Dude I don't know how to spell it."
And he looked so confused while he was doing it too.
It took him like 5 minutes to finish texting when he was actually done.
While me and Rosa where giggling he was like.
"Are you guys laughing at me?" with a giant grin on his face.
The whole thing just completely made my day let me tell you.

Haha Gay Debate :D

Ok so I'm a pretty open person.
And we where watching the news while we where having dinner today and the whole thing about gay marriage getting passed came on.
And my mom said something mean.
Along with my little brother.
So supporting the gays like I do.
I said something about it.
And of course my brother joked and was like "Haha. Carrissa's gone gay everyone. Oh no!"

But I was just like "no I just support them."

And madre just said "well I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman."
In that little bitchy voice she does whenever she's disgusted.

And my point was. "Well that's discriminating. it's just like saying an interracial couple can't get married"

Hers was. "Well what happens when they decide to have kids? Those kids will get tortured in school."

Mine. "So will any ugly kid. Any kid that's noticeably Asian, Hispanic, or Black. That's over half the kids in our school. And plus I know kids that have gay parents and they where fine as kids. Are you gonna tell all the Blacks, Hispanics and Asians that they can't get married because they're kids will get 'tortured' later on in school? Is the new definition of marriage "a joining of a WHITE male and a WHITE female"?"

Just The Way It Has To Be.

Lately I feel so left out of everything that everyone's doing.
Like people invite me to do stuff on the weekends or after school, or go to their shows.
But I can't cause "I'm grounded".
Which sucks massively.
I can't even do anything with Case and Jam.
But it's mainly my fault I guess.
My mom just controlls it.
Which also sucks massively.
She's just such a bitch about everything.
And even if it's a big event like going to Canobie she'll still say no.
Or seeing Mish at all while school is still going on.
But she'll let me do everything again when the school years over.
Yay...
That's pretty much when everyone's plans are all over.
Ughh..
Oh.
Ha. So Case has the word "spiffy" under the condition of her English book.
And the day she put it in there she was talking about it to a bunch of people.
So the thing I think is so funny is that Lucas poked me today and opened his book and said "hehe look I wrote 'spiffy'"
And there it was written underneath "condion of book" was the word "spiffy" in Lucas's boy-handwriting.

Did I tell you how much I love my brother?

Ok.
So right before I blogged about being really mad at madre.
My Facebook satus was "Pissed off much?".
And just to make my day a little bit brighter, my brother said.
"Actually...yes i pissed this morning, twice this afternoon and im goin to go right now too ;)"
That was the only time I laughed from the time I got back from school today.

Really Pissed Off.

So apparently now my efforts are worth nothing to my bitch ass mom unless I have at least a what? 72 exactly?
wow.
She told me that I should have an A in Math instead of a C and that a C isn't good enough for her.
Ugh.. Bitch.
She told me that I shouldn't be doing my homework in study because "it's called homework for a reason"
Translation.
"I just want to know everything you're doing."
If only Jason knew what the hell was going on over here.
She also had the nerve to tell me that I don't give a shit about my grades.
Which I obviously do If I'm at least trying and stressing out about my projects.
Oh.
And when we finally get home she starts acussing me of random shit that even my step dad doesn't agree with.
She started telling me that I didn't do my part of the dishes last night.
Going on and on about it so I couldn't even get a word in.
Until finally my step-dad says.
"it wasn't her night last night."
So when she finally stops yelling at me to listen to him, all she says is "oh."
And just to piss me off after that she said. " well you left these in here the night you had dishes too. I remeber."
Which I fucking didn't, as I recall very correctly.
I told her I didn't and she didn't say anything else after that except give me some chores to do so she wouldn't say anything stupid to make herself look like an idiot.
Which she always does after being wrong.

My Wish

You know what.
I just realized how great I have it with my brother.
He doesn't hit me..
He's not an asshole.
I can't count how many times he's saved me from the rest of the family.
Mostly because he seems to be the only one who understands.
I could pretty much tell him anything, even if he'd get mad he'd support me no matter what.
He talks to me all the time about stuff that both of us go through.
He even talks to mom about being such a bitch to me, and how he went through the same thing as a kid.
He told me once that as soon as I'm eighteen I can come live with him and visit mom on the weekends.
We blast our favorite music in the car.
We make fun of each others music.
*cough* Taylor Swift?
And whenever he gets a new girlfriend he always asks me if I like them, and if I think the rest of the family will too.
I don't think he ever figured he'd have a better relationship with his little sister than his little brother.
He is definetaly my savior.

"I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow,And each road leads you where you want to go,And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.And if one door opens to another door closed,I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile"- Rascal Flatts, My Wish